Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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