If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
