I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
