When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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