Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
