i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
