He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
