There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
