I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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