He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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