Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
