its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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