feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
