last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
