I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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