I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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