I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
