from now on my penis is your penis
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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