He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
