I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
