I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
too bad you live with your parents still
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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