Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
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plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
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How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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