either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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