My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
we made out on top of his cat.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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