i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
