I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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