I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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