i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
