I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
