I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
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