We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
