Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
