all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
