He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
