Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
