I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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