Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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