is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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