great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
