i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
