Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
