dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
