glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize