you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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