please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
