the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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