Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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