I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
