It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
