he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We need to get me chipped asap
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
