Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Randomize
