PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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