I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
