He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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