so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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