I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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