My underwear smells like fireworks.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
