real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
