just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
