She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
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I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
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shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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