I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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