I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
