all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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