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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
