dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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